he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
