so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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