So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
