College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you win again, gameday.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
