you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
