It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
