can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
