I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
