I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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