And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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