So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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