Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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