i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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