It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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