I can text with my tongue
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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