i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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