So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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