i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
