end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
