this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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