I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
