North Korea, Best Korea!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No subtext here. People are naked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
