dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
