i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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