Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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