Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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