My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
