I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We named our party play list daddy issues
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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