I cannot find my penis.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
