I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Holy shit dude........stairs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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