so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i drank out of a bidet.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
