This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
