your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had to cum in my sink.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
