After last night, I could never be a politician.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
