apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
