last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
