I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
