If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
