I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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