In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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