The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
