Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
