You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
