i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
