man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
