dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
