some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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