Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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