i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
