hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
